Becoming Unburdened: Allowing God to Take Control

Some days, I feel like I just can't do it anymore. That the pain, the waiting, the longing, it's all just too much to handle. And I've come to realize that I'm right in feeling that way, because I can't handle it. Only HE can. But I must allow Him to pick up my burdens.

One of the most difficult things for me is taking my troubles to God and leaving them there. I too often turn to God in prayer, with every intention of handing it all over to Him, only to go about my day suddenly realizing I'm still carrying all of the worries I thought I had abandoned. As painful as this is for me, I can't help but be overwhelmed with sadness when I think about just how much this must hurt my Father. The lack of faith and trust I display in these moments has to break His heart. Imagine this being your own child. They come to you with their problems, and you're so happy they have confided in you! You have the perfect solution to their issue and you offer to take care of it for them, letting them know it's all going to be just fine. While you're working on it, you realize that they are still continuing to worry and stress over it and even trying to fix it "their way." That would hurt. They don't trust that you can fix it. They don't believe that you know best. Well I don't know about you, but I do this to God constantly. And quite honestly, I'm tired. Tired of trying to carry it by myself, tired of trying to fix situations that are completely out of my control.

1 Peter 5:5b-7 tells us , "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I believe that's the key--we must humble ourselves. We have to acknowledge that we cannot do it alone, that we need our Father to carry our burdens and to navigate us through our troubles. We have to let go of any notion that we are capable of handling it ourselves and we must trust that our Savior has it all under control.

So today, I pray that God will allow me to be humbled that I may fully trust in His goodness! I pray that I will always have faith, even if at times it is as small as a mustard seed, for even then God will move mountains! I pray that I will be a light to all of those who are struggling with control, struggling to have faith, and that through my trials, they will see just what God is capable of! For His plans and purpose for our lives are far greater than we can even begin to imagine!

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland," Isaiah 43:18-19

It is Finished: Tetelestai

During Easter week a couple of years ago, I learned about a powerful word Jesus used on the cross: Tetelestai, which is Greek for "It is finished." It came from an accounting term that means "paid in full." Just hearing those words alone overwhelms my soul, but I also learned something about the tense of tetelestai. Tetelestai is perfect tense which by definition means "an action that was completed in the past or that the action extends to the present." It is also defined as "a verb that indicates that an action or circumstance occurred earlier than the time under consideration, often focusing attention on the resulting state rather than the occurrence itself." Wow. When I read this it left me speechless. Not only did Jesus say that it was finished, but by using the word tetelestai in it's perfect tense, he lets us know that it will always be finished! No one can take away what He did for us that day on the cross. No one can take away His perfect grace, mercy or love. He finished the work of salvation and redemption. He finished it for all the people that day and for all those born after.

John 19:28-30 "Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” 29 A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. 30 When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished (Tetelestai).” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."

In researching and reading about tetelestai, this stood out to me: "Jesus did not come to this earth for the purpose of acting as an opponent of the law. His goal was not to prevent its fulfillment. Rather, He revered it, loved it, obeyed it, and brought it to fruition." It's hard to even imagine all that He endured for us, but Jesus willingly and obediently fulfilled the law and fully met its' demands so that we could accept grace and have eternal life! How incredible is that?! There has never been, and will never be, a sacrifice or a display of love as big as we were shown that day.

Matthew 5:17 "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."

Thank you Lord for your sacrifice, your mercy, love and grace! Thank you for giving us everything we will never deserve! When our burdens feel heavy and our faith is shaken, let us remember the words Jesus spoke on the cross, tetelestai, it is finished!

And If Not-He is Still Good

Today I was supposed to meet you, sweet baby. I was supposed to hear you cry for the first time, hold you tight, see if you had my eyes or your daddy's nose. But God had other plans.

March 2nd is a day that I have dreaded since last Summer. For most people, today is just another Friday, another work week finished, another weekend beginning. But for me, it is the day my life was supposed to change. Today, I was going to fulfill my life long dream of becoming a mom. I was going to watch the love of my life become the amazing dad I know he is meant to be. I looked forward to witnessing the outpouring of love from our friends and family--knowing just how loved our precious baby would be. But God had other plans.

During these last several months I have clung tight to several verses and songs--Isaiah 60:22, Psalm 145:18, Psalm 147:3, Revelation 21:4, First by Lauren Daigle, Even If by MercyMe, Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns, and Thy Will by Hillary Scott and The Scott Family. Jesus was my saving grace, music was my therapy.

I read a lot of things that spoke to me, but one verse in particular, Daniel 3:18, made me want to dig deeper, so I began to read the story written in Daniel Chapter 3. King Nebuchadnezzar ordered that a statue be assembled which everyone would be required to worship. Anyone who disobeyed his command was subject to "immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace." Daniel 3:6. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to worship the idol and this infuriated the King. He essentially told them that if they didn't do as he had commanded, that no god would be able to save them. Instead of giving in and avoiding death, they responded by saying, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from Your Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image you set up." Daniel 3:17-18. Wow. Here these men were, almost certainly facing an unimaginable death and all they had to do was worship the King's statue to avoid it. But they refused because they were faithful. Not only did they recognize that God was able to save them, but they also acknowledged that even if He didn't--He was still their God, He was still good. And you know what God did? He allowed an angel to save them from the fire, completely unharmed. When the King saw what had been done he was amazed and declared, "no other god can save in this way." Daniel 3:29. What an incredible testimony these men now had!

I so often fail at remembering this--that "if not," He is still good, He is still faithful. After my miscarriage, I stepped away from God for a moment. It was difficult for me to see in that pain that He was still good. But since then, I have realized that even though I may never understand why my baby wasn't meant to be, I can rest assured that my God is always good. I pray that my faith is like that of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. That I am able to trust that God will deliver me from the fire, that I will remember that His plan is perfect, and allow Him to use my story to further His kingdom.

Today, I did not become a mother. My husband did not become a dad. I did not get to hold you in my arms, rock you, or give you a million kisses. As much as I have realized that it was not meant to be, I can't help but often think, especially on days like today, how much I wish you were here with us. But God had other plans.

I know, though, that you are in a place so perfect we can't even begin to imagine it. You are safe, you are cherished, you are loved. I have no idea if Baby Barnett was going to be a girl or boy, but I chose to call them Malachi, meaning 'my angel.' And I know, my angel, we will meet you one glorious day.

I know so many people have experienced miscarriage and infertility and I hope that those struggling can find hope and strength in Jesus. I may not have become a mother today, but I know without a doubt that God has big things planned for us! Whether I am able to carry a child, we are able to adopt or foster, or whether He decides another path for our life, He is still good and so is this life He has given us.

Though the road we are traveling may often be painful, let us hold on to His promises, "I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched. When you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you. For I Yahweh your God, the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior, give Egypt as a ransom for you," Isaiah 43:2-3a. "Though the mountains move and the hills shake, My love will not be removed from you and My covenant of peace will not be shaken," says your compassionate LORD." Isaiah 54:10.